What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
