hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
