dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize