do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
