I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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