I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
