eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
