She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize