have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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