Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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