Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
