You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
bring money and cleavage
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
