Don't make out with my wife yet
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
