I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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