Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
