Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
