this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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