I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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