It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
