just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The power of my boobs compel you
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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