i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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