remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
