I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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