I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
