The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
