Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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