One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
