Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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