Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
