i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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