Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
