I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
