Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
