Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
