im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
