my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
