i already hear my dad disowning me
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize