I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
