The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
