I love black thongs
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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