he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
