i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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