I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
