Just cropdusted the office
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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