Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
