I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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