sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
