But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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