I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
