my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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