I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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