4 words: hood of his car
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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