i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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