the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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