The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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