Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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