Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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