What did we do last night that was yellow?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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