How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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