You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
