u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
