my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
