Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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