Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
