I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
