you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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