I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
