Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
