I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Congratulations! We have a period
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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