He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
