he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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