Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
