I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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