it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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