1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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