It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
