She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
