Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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