Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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