just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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