eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
