I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize