Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
not ubering you a puppy
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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