she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
