In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
