Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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