They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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