So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
