I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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