Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
