Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
