Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Please, let me fuck your mom
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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