using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize