No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
