What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
